Intentional Living in our Marriage

Have you ever wondered how to transform your marriage from ordinary to extraordinary? In our latest episode of the Joy Podcast, we kick off our intentional living series with a deep dive into intentionality in marriage. Drawing from the wisdom of Genesis 2:24 and 1 Corinthians 13, we unravel the true essence of love as a committed action that prioritizes your spouse's well-being. With over 55 years of combined marital experience, we share personal anecdotes and hard-earned lessons about the importance of commitment, communication, and perseverance, even during the most challenging seasons. Learn how intentional love can profoundly deepen your relationship, turning it into a stronger and more meaningful partnership.

Ever wondered how to keep the spark alive after decades of marriage? This episode also explores the secrets to understanding and speaking your spouse's love language. We delve into the five love languages and discuss practical ways to express love in ways that truly resonate. From planning surprise activities like a scavenger hunt to the transformative practice of mutual prayer, we offer unique insights on how creativity and a focus on Christ can keep your marriage vibrant and connected. Plus, we highlight the impact of "The Power of a Praying Wife" and share how praying for your spouse can fortify your bond. Whether you're not yet married, newlyweds or celebrating decades together, this episode is packed with actionable tips to nurture and strengthen marriages.

Link to learn more about the 5 Love Languages:
https://5lovelanguages.com/

Learn more about "The Power of a Praying Wife"
https://www.stormieomartian.com/product/the-power-of-the-praying-wife-paperback/

Email us at: infojoypodcast@gmail.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the Joy Podcast, your women's guide to living a joy-filled life. We are your co-hosts, katrina Morris and Allison Jordan. We are grateful you joined us as we have real and raw, faith-based conversations surrounding motherhood, marriage, careers, friendships and everything else in a woman's daily life. That's right, ladies, grab your cup of coffee and pull up a chair as we dive into all the things. Hey everybody, welcome to Episode 8 of the Joy Podcast. We are beginning our series this week on intentional living and, allison, what are we starting our series with? Well, last week we talked all about what is intentional living. Why should we live intentionally? And so, when we decided to go into the series, we thought the best place to start is talking about intentionality in our marriage, because, aside from our relationship with Christ, the most important relationship that we will have in our lifetimes is with our spouse. With my husband is the most important relationship that we will have in our lifetimes is with our spouse. With my husband is the most important relationship, and the reason that is is God holds marriage very highly, and so let me read you this passage. Of course, let me put my glasses on so I can see. Genesis 2, 24 says that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. So when you become married to your husband, you two are one flesh, and so I would say that that is a pretty important relationship, Absolutely. And so when we decided to start the series, I couldn't wait to talk about intentionality in marriage. Marriage is a subject very near and dear to my heart, and so we're going in there today, all in an intentional and marriage. That's right, and we are really.

Speaker 1: 1:54

This show, or episode podcast, whatever you want to call it, is dedicated to women, and so we are speaking to the women today, to women, and so we are speaking to the women today. We are. We want you to have an open heart and understand that. We know, not every marriage is perfect. No marriage is perfect, but we just want to give you some insight. We want to share a little bit of our stories with you. We've been married for a very long time, allison, I know you have as well, yeah, but we just want to start with, like you said, the most important relationship and, as we've talked about, we're going to talk about family. We're going to talk about some other relationships. It really is God, and then our spouses, yes, and so, ladies, sometimes it starts with us, and so that's what we're here for to support and encourage and teach you how to be intentional with your marriage and some of the things that are guidelines in the Bible.

Speaker 1: 2:56

So I'm going to read what is love? And the Bible gives us a great definition. Yeah, and it is first Corinthians 13. I'm going to start with verse four and go to the first part of eight.

Speaker 1: 3:09

Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, it is not boastful, it is not arrogant, it is not rude, it's not self-seeking, is not irritable and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy and unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Love never ends. The commentary, which I think is great, just to have a more simple version. It's really about love being an action, it's not a feeling. Our feelings change and you know, and being married, you know for some time, you understand you may not love your husband all the time, but it's still the decision to put him first and to compassionately, out of concern of his wellbeing, put him first, and that's really the action of love. Um, then these things are really only possible when we put others before ourselves. It does go beyond marriage. This is love, you know. Know, speaking for all relationships.

Speaker 1: 4:27

But again, today we're going to really dive into the marriage and um and talk about that. So, allison, yeah, how long have you been married? Well, we just had our 32nd wedding anniversary a few months ago 30, 32 years, and I wish I could say it has been marital bliss for 32 years. But, as you mentioned, marriage is not perfect. We are two imperfect people and we go through coming together. Yes, how long have y'all been married? 23 years. So I mean, we have got some decades in marriage here. Yes, yes, and Scott and I did the math. I have been with him over half my life. Yeah, and that is crazy.

Speaker 1: 5:12

Yeah, and I can say, as we're talking about this, I love him more today and like him yeah, he's actually my best friend more today than I did 10 years ago. And there is ebb and flow. There's been some very difficult seasons where I really didn't know that I even liked him and him with me. We've had that communication, and so recognizing the hard seasons are important, but understanding that you can get past those seasons and that's where the intentionality comes. That's where the decision is to love in an action form instead of just going on what your feelings are for that day. Yeah, love is a verb, so I mean, we got to put the action behind it. And you're right.

Speaker 1: 6:05

I remember telling that, um, when we got married, I never thought I could love him more than I did the day I married. And well, here I am, 32 years later. Yeah, and I love him more. Yes, and it. There were days I didn't like them. There were certainly days he didn't like me. Of course, the love is deeper. It goes deeper because of the intentionality we have put in it, and we haven't always done that perfectly either, absolutely, and now there have we. And I think that's you know.

Speaker 1: 6:35

Really, the point we want to get across today is whether your marriage is brand new, whether you've been married for 10 years, whether you're getting married, or whether you've been married for 10 years, whether you're getting married or whether you've been married for 40 years. Is that it is a decision every day to put your spouse before yourself? Yeah, and I hope there are some, some listeners out there, if you are engaged or you're dating, listen up to this, listen to these two old women that have been married for a long time. I am not. Oh, actually, we are seasoned. Yes, I like that, well seasoned, like like we're in the south so we can like a? Um, what are a flat iron? Yeah, what are those things called? I don't cook very well, wait, are you talking about? Are you talking about like a cast iron pan? Yes, well seasoned, like a cast iron pan. We are well seasoned and we I mean we have made some mistakes, that is for sure.

Speaker 1: 7:33

But the intentionality in your marriage is so important. So, if you're getting married, maybe you're just dating, maybe you just got married, or maybe you have been married for 60 years. It never stops. You continue to put intentionality into your marriage, absolutely. And so what are some of the things if you can tell us that you and Matt have put at the forefront of your marriage, and how have you guys been intentional for the last 32 years? Well, for us, first of all, to be intentional in your marriage up front, you have to be intentional in your relationship with Christ. I have to put Christ first in my life. Yeah, because there's no other way in our marriage to go, because Jesus is the most important in my life, and so when I put my focus on him first, then that gets my heart in a better place to to have that relationship with my husband. And so the relationship with Jesus is the most important in my life, and then next is my relationship with my husband, and so those are the two biggest. And can I can I interrupt, cause something just um, really hit me and I just want to, I just want to really share it.

Speaker 1: 8:47

I think when I came into marriage, I had the expectation that my husband would complete me. Oh yeah, and I think that's a very common thought. It sure is. And when you talk about putting the Lord first and having your relationship with him right, that vertical relationship, I think that is something that I had to learn the hard way, because there was never a time other than early on in dating and after the honeymoon, and you know, your first few months of marriage you're in that honeymoon phase that I did feel like he completed me and it was glorious. And then he eats cereal at 10 o'clock at night on the sofa and I'm about to cringe, yeah Right.

Speaker 1: 9:33

So there are things that we need to understand, and one of the most important things is you need to. We as women need to be as spouses men as well whole people in Christ before yes, before we really can tackle a lot of the other things. So when we're putting Christ first and we're getting that relationship right, that then means that the other things are going to follow. And so I think recognizing your husband will never complete you. Nothing really on this earth will ever complete us and fully satisfy us. And so if you're getting married or you're in a marriage and you're thinking, let's, our marriage is dead, we don't love each other, we fell out of love, you know, or you know he doesn't complete me, he never will. No husband ever will. That's right. God completes us. And when we recognize that, that's where we can go back to some of our other episodes where we've talked about building character, perseverance and being our true selves. Well, when we become married, we are one, yes, and we are one in him, absolutely. When you think of it that way, when you look biblically at what marriage is and we're going to go into another series down the road just on marriage Today we specifically want to talk about how can you be intentional in your marriage and what does that look like?

Speaker 1: 11:13

Yeah, and our marriages go through different seasons. Like you said, the honeymoon phase is a whole new is a whole season, and then you go through having the kids and there's a lot of different seasons. So for you, looking at when you're intentional in your marriage, does it look different in different seasons? Oh, yeah, yeah it does. When you're first married and then you have children or you're trying to have children and you're going through the ebb and flows of your feelings and emotions and things like that. It absolutely will be different in every season and some seasons last longer than others. So if you're sitting there listening or watching this today and you're like, well, in this season, it's just hard. Yeah, I feel that. So we have been through in 32 years of marriage. We have been through a lot of seasons, a lot of highs and a lot of lows, and so intentionality in those seasons look differently. But there are specific things that we can, we can do, and so we're going to touch on some of those today.

Speaker 1: 12:15

And one of the first things that I wanted to bring up and and being intentional in your marriage is knowing what your husband's love language is, knowing what each other's love language is. Now, a lot of you may have already heard what this love language thing is. It's by Gary Chapman wrote a book years and years ago called I've Love Languages. It has been worldwide. Yes, and we're going to put a link to the quiz. You can take a quiz. Maybe you don't know what your love language is, maybe you don't know what your spouse's love language is. We're going to put a link in our notes where you can go on and take this quiz online.

Speaker 1: 12:49

But here are the five different love languages there's I'm not putting them in any order, but words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and receiving gifts. So those are the five different love languages and I will say, over 32 years of marriage, my love language has changed Absolutely. Yeah, I mean, I think that just happens and so I'll be honest. Mine is words of affirmation, so my husband knows that I know what his love language is. It's quality time. So I know that when we know each other's love language then we can speak into that.

Speaker 1: 13:32

So, being intentional to show your spouse's love language. Now here's where I have to caution us, because if mine is words of affirmation, that is what I want and so I can be. I have to be careful, not if that's not my husband's. I'm going to speak words of affirmation to him, not that I shouldn't. I always try and affirm him, but if that's not his love language, I need to be intentional to to show him his love language. So can we go through these just really quickly? So what are words of affirmation? What are the most simplest way we can put these, just so people can Affirming oneself. So let's say you're amazing, you are. You know, if I um like when I do something at home or I've, you know, done something, and my husband says, honey, I'm so proud of you, thank you for doing that, or you know, that speaks to me, it fills your love tank, it fills my tank, girl. Now, on the other end of that, it doesn't mean he always has to say those things. It could just be a thank you, acknowledging. Those are affirmational words.

Speaker 1: 14:35

Um, let's talk about. We all know what physical touch is. Yes, um, well, you know all of those things. I mean, yeah, and we always think, okay, men's is going to be the physical touch, not always right, um, and so those now, all of these love languages, we all desire them at some point, but one or two speak higher yes to us than others. Um, quality time, not just um quantity time, but the quality of being together.

Speaker 1: 15:03

Um, acts of service. Um, you know, that's not one of my love languages, so my husband is great with that. When I go out of town and I've come home and he's organized all my shoes for me, yeah, I mean, I love that. I mean I so appreciate that that's not my love language. For him, that might be one of those, you know, for a wife going out. And if you know your spouse's love language is acts of service and you set his shoes by the door in the morning before he leaves so he's not having to scramble in the morning trying to find them, I mean you find what speaks to that language.

Speaker 1: 15:42

Another one is receiving gifts. Some people love that gift, you know, getting those flowers or getting that surprise gift. You know everybody has a different love language and maybe there's two of them. But the best way to know what that is is take that quiz. It's very eye opening because you want it to be intentional, to speak your spouse's love, and there's a lot more explanation about each one and so it really dives a little bit deeper into it and I think it's so important and that, honestly, that really gets into. That know, just being intentional to communicate with one another.

Speaker 1: 16:32

And we've had some very difficult moments of communication. Scott, what are some things that you really love that I do, or what is something that I do that really gets on your nerves? And I ask that. And I have to say, and again, with caution, ladies, don't take offense If you ask that question to your husband, expect him to be honest, be prepared, don't take it as offensive, take it as something for you to grow and for you to then mold into a different way. Right, so we are all changing, we are shifting, we are growing all of those things. And so, as I've asked Scott those things and he's told me you know this or this, I've had to pray about it. Right, like what that gets on your you know, but taking the time to pray over it and then try to be intentional not to do that one thing or to shift it in a different way.

Speaker 1: 17:49

I know that Scott has been very communicative on me being late. That is the one thing that he absolutely. It annoys him, and so, especially on Sunday morning going to church, I am very intentional about not being late because I don't want to then cause an argument on the way to church and then the enemy has got in there and um, and so I think just knowing what is the love language and what are the things that maybe you could shift a little bit, it's important. I mean, communication is so much more than just talking to right. I mean it's communication is being a good listener, so listening to your husband. You know, there's sometimes I think about when my kids were little and my husband would come home from work and I've been around the kids all day and my husband wanted to talk to me.

Speaker 1: 18:50

You know, being a good communicator means to stop and being intentional, to listen to about his day, ask about his day. Yes, yes, and we were talking about this earlier too, when we were talking about communication. It's not even just our words. Oh, what about that? Our role, or our body language communicates a whole lot.

Speaker 1: 19:11

So if I want to be intentional, I'm very animated. So, yes, like, what do you mean by animated? What do you mean? Well, I talk with my hands, which is why a lot of women do. I can do that. It's like, oh, you try to focus on that, but my facial expressions, yeah, and so I have to be very careful when he's talking to keep my face, keep my face like straight. If he's saying something, that I need to be really. And also I do ask at that time too do you want me to listen or do you want me to speak into it? But my facial expressions are a little bit ridiculous and so I've had to really. That's something I will be honest, I've had to be very intentional with.

Speaker 1: 19:58

But see that, you know right, there is a lot of times we make communication is just about how we talk, and I never wanted to talk down to my husband. I'm not his mother, I'm his wife, and so I never want to treat him or talk to him like he's one of my other children. That is disrespectful, and so I am his wife, I am his, I am the love of his life and he's the love of my life, and so I should treat him as such and how I talk to him, how my body language expresses that too when he's talking to me. And, like you said, part of communication is asking those hard questions and not just getting I mean not getting offended, but really taking that to heart as well. And another thing is recognizing that our spouse is not our enemy yeah, and I hear a lot. Well, he's not worthy of this and he doesn't do this and he's not this.

Speaker 1: 20:53

Well, we also carry some things that we're not great at, and so when we're able to look at our spouse as an imperfect person that we're to do life with and understand they have struggles as well. That's the compassionate portion of the love that we're supposed to implement and the grace, grace and compassion. So, when you look at your spouse, or when I look at Scott, you know and I'm like, oh boy, you're really getting on my nerves right now, or something I I have to recognize just as imperfect as I am, who am I to try to fix him or look at him as my enemy, when he's just trying to get through life too? And, like you said at the beginning, you know there are a lot of things in marriage. It's both. We both have to work on things. Today we're speaking on what our part is, what we can do. We're focusing on ourselves and what we can do to be intentional in our marriage, absolutely, and so we are not marriage counselors, right, and so that's all we can do is focus on us and what we can do, and so that's where we're coming at it today.

Speaker 1: 22:07

So good communication, knowing our spouse's love language, what about, you know, putting our phones away, being intentional Y'all. We are in a phone generation. Our phones are. I mean, we work from them. We are on our phones Recipes cooking in the kitchen. You're on your recipes watching TV. I mean, everything we do is is on our phone. So and I will say I struggle with this too is you know, that intention to put the phone down at night? They don't, do not disturb, um, and so those are things. You know, sometimes I'm better at it than others, but just showing that intention about that, what about?

Speaker 1: 22:46

We were talking about this earlier about lifting up our spouse. You know we talk about communication, but what about when you're in a group and you're with your spouse and you're talking about your spouse? I mean, really, given those, you know, I don't like to ever hear of somebody else just bashing their spouse. I can't. That is a really big pet peeve. We should uplift our spouse. So I want to always uplift my husband when I'm with other people. When I'm with him, I want to uplift him. You know, that was always very big to me is to thank my husband for how hard he works for our family and I encourage my children to do that as well To thank him for the things that he does around the house or just thank you for loving me.

Speaker 1: 23:36

Yes, you know, uplifting and not well, you did this and you know you hear people joke about their spouse and putting them down and that's kind of sarcastic. So we do that a little bit and I think we've had to catch ourselves, but it's not a fun thing, it is. It is a fun thing and I think people that know us and know Scott he is a character, yeah, and he's hilarious, but just also learning in the boundaries. I'm sarcastic, he's sarcastic, so we can banter back and forth in fun, yeah, um, and I think everybody can do that, yes, yes, but there is a point where you don't want to tear someone down exactly, and that is definitely not what. So just, I mean showing intentionality. You lift up your spouse and then, um, another one. We were talking about just being intentional y'all.

Speaker 1: 24:30

Date nights, yes, that doesn't stop when you get married, it doesn't. And I think, man, I think, um, I can't, I don't even. I don't want to say too much here, but I feel like there's a whole generation that did not do date nights. Right, they're raising their kids and they're doing all of this and they're and they never nurtured their relationship. And what happens? The kids grow up, the kids move, and then what? So when you're nurturing that spouse relationship and we? So, when you're nurturing that spouse relationship and we we touched on this before that is that's what keeps you and your spouse friends. That's what keeps you engaged into each other's conversation. And it doesn't always have to be a deep conversation. It can be you know anything sightseeing, or you're going to a local you know place for us, it's in Wilmington and we're sightseeing. Or you're going to a local you know place for us, it's in Wilmington and we're sightseeing. You know, um, that's that and that's fun.

Speaker 1: 25:29

Yes, having fun together. Having fun together. You think back when you're dating, um, date nights were important because you were dating. Yes, when you get married, it's even more important. Yes, and that is something we've always tried to do is have those date nights and listen. I know, when the kids were little, it was hard to find some of the kids. Yeah, on a date night. There were some nights we didn't. So we had a date night at home. You just put the kids to bed earlier? Yeah, put the kids to bed. Have a picnic on the floor? Yeah, I can't tell you. We still do this. Every year we will do a date night and in front of the christmas tree we do a little charcuterie board and watch a christmas movie, or have the christmas music playing, yeah, and put a blanket on the floor. So I mean they don't have to be expensive, right, because we've been in those where we were trying to find um change in the couch cushions, you know, to go get an ice cream, yeah, so they don't have to be expensive. But it's the intentionality intentional, yes of having those fun times together and and be creative. Yes, you did something.

Speaker 1: 26:34

Do you want to share a little story about something that you've done that was pretty creative, to show intentionality? Well, like I told you, my husband's loving quality time, and so I always love to how can I be spontaneous? How can I surprise him with, like a fun date? And so, a few years ago, our daughter was getting ready to get married and she was getting married at the end of July. And so here we were, the beginning of July, I was on summer break at school and I mean, we were still doing summer camp, but it was just getting ready to be crazy busy wedding month, and so I knew all of our focus would be on that, and rightly so.

Speaker 1: 27:13

We had a lot going on, but I wanted to kick off the month by being intentional in my own marriage, and so I planned. I got real creative. I got some of my friends on board with it and planned this big scavenger hunt for my husband here in town. And it took a lot of planning and I sent him on a scavenger hunt. I had gift bags at a couple of my friends' houses, so he had clues and he started with the one clue at home and he had to open that and then it would take him to the next clue, and then it would, and each one had a little gift in it, and finally it led him to a hotel downtown, right on the river, and I had one reserved for us, and so it was just a fun, spontaneous.

Speaker 1: 27:59

And here that's, after 30 years of marriage. So just because you just got married and you think, oh well, you know, we've been married a year, the honeymoon's over. No, let me tell you when you put intention into all of that, your communication, knowing your spouse's love language, all of these things. I will tell you that honeymoon period never goes away, so it's that intention behind it and just being creative and having fun. You can have fun in your marriage and you should have fun, and so it's that intention there.

Speaker 1: 28:29

But one of the other things we were talking about, katrina, is, you know, just praying together. Devotions, yeah, and that's something we learned later in our relationship. We've done devotionals, you know, individually, and Bible studies and things like that. But just really within coming to Wilmington, just within the last couple of years, we've become more intentional in the praying together and I'm able to now. I will grab his hand and I'll say can you pray for us, can you pray for me or can you pray for this situation? And he will do it. Or you know we're on the way to church and I say, can you pray for us or I will pray, and so that has become very important and I think, like I said, we've always put God in our relationship but we didn't always pray together and that has become so important and I think when I was really in that season of really hardship and struggle and fear, you know, taking over when we had first moved here, him praying over me was priceless and it just meant so much to me and it gave me strength.

Speaker 1: 29:54

And women tend to be deeper in prayer. I think I am. I would just say for me, I am long and drawn out and I'm going to pray for everything and everybody, and it doesn't need to be that way. And his prayers were intentional and they were. They just met so much and it's not all about the surrounding, it's just about the meaning and the heart behind it. And so prayer is so, it's, it's so important and they're having fun, you know when.

Speaker 1: 30:27

What about us as a wife? Praying over our husband is so important? Oh, um, sister, you know you were. I mean, this is something you've been very passionate about over the last couple of years, as you were telling me just. You know just that intention of you know, praying together is so important. But what if your husband's not into praying together? Right, and I think that's a pretty common thing, you know.

Speaker 1: 30:52

And so um years ago, before we moved, I read the book the Power of Praying Wife for the first time. We will put that in the notes as well. That's a great book, an amazing resource. It will change your marriage. I can't even remember how many years ago. It's been in print for a long time. I read it early in my marriage. It was a game changer. Yes, over 10 million copies of the book have been sold. I mean, this is actually.

Speaker 1: 31:18

I have my book here, if you're, if you're not watching, this is my second book, because my first book was so tattered and torn I couldn't find two of the chapters. I, you know there's tears on some of the pages, and so this book and just the intentionality behind it is what changed our marriage, and that was praying over him. And the book itself has 31 chapters. So to me, I I read it as a chapter a day and a prayer a day. There's a prayer at the end our family over our husbands. When it comes to talking to the Lord about them, right, I mean we, just the intentionality behind our thoughts and our prayers and how we speak over them and what we pray over them is so important. And when I started reading the book, I can remember I did my own thing.

Speaker 1: 32:33

Scott and I are both leaders and that can be difficult because, as a wife, we're supposed to submit. Or you know, wife, we're supposed to submit, or you know, we're supposed to put our husband first and do things, you know, as long as it's biblical, we are to follow their lead. And so when we're both leaders, that can be difficult. And so when the first chapter of the book that I read talked about me as the wife, and so I, intentionally, the next morning, went down and I had to make a decision. He's going to fix his coffee, I'm going to fix mine. That's the way we've always done it. Good to go.

Speaker 1: 33:15

I went over to the coffee pot and he was sitting in the other room and I couldn't see him, thankfully, because my facial expression and my body language was not good. Communication hurt, yes, yes. And I said, scott, would you like for me to fix your coffee? And I, my nostrils probably flared, it was just anyway. So, um, and he said, sure, like he was surprised. And so I asked him how he liked it. And anyway, from then on, I just started making his coffee every morning and I'll honestly say that's probably been about four years. I, my heart wasn't, my mind was there, but my heart wasn't necessarily in it. Action was doing it. Yes and yes. And then what happened was a miracle. He started asking could he do things for me, wow. And so it just snowballed from there, and that's when I really recognized it started with me.

Speaker 1: 34:25

It starts with the wives yeah, if your husband isn't doing certain things, or you're not feeling it, or whatever, even if he is doing all the things perfectly, it still starts with you. To be intentional, yes, to do the little things. To serve him for coffee yeah, give him a hug. Yes, take him for a spin in the kitchen while you're, while you're dancing in the kitchen, yeah, yeah, you know, I mean we've touched on all of these things, and this is just scratching the surface of being intentional in our marriage. It takes some things. They're so small, like fixing them a cup of coffee, but they have such rich. It's our marriage. When I say that, I mean it literally has changed our marriage.

Speaker 1: 35:09

Me just doing one act just snowballed into what you're talking, though, is because you started praying over your spouse. See, there it goes back to what we said at the beginning of putting christ first. Yes, because that we've got to have that vertical, that vertical focus on Christ, and then we can go to the next most important relationship with our spouse. And so showing affection yeah, I mean coffee's always a good idea. I mean right, showing affection, planning those date nights, speaking their love language, having fun together, communicating well, being intentional in your communication, having fun together, communicating well, being intentional in your communication, praying together and just knowing those things, those small things, doing one small thing for your spouse just to show intention. So, being intentional in your marriage, y'all you won't regret it. But give it time. Yeah, give it time. You don't have to do all of this all at one time, right, and?

Speaker 1: 36:20

And what we want to encourage you to do is to be for your marriage to get better, to change, to progress. That's why we do it. Don't expect a thank you right away, don't expect him to fix your coffee the next morning. We're doing it because we want the change to start with us. Yes, you be the change, we are to be the change.

Speaker 1: 36:41

First, let do the work, and even when our husbands do not deserve it that's biblical. Yeah, we are to still show love when people are not worthy of it. Yeah, and it's not easy. No, marriage is not easy, but I think marriage is probably the heart. Marriage and parenting, yeah, and that's why we're touching on these two things. First, because being intentional and it's it is hard, but it's worth it absolutely. And so, like we've said with a lot of things, is, if it's, I mean, your marriage is worth it. So I mean, if you're fighting, stop, but fight for your marriage, um, your family, it's important, fight for your family. And so the way we can start that is getting that vertical focus, yeah, and then just doing the next thing, just the next thing. Y'all don't say, okay, I've got to do this whole list. Alice and katrina said I gotta do this, this. That's not what we're saying here. That is pray before it start, like, like katrina said, the power of a praying wife. Pray over your spouse and then just do the next thing as God leads. And I've heard the grass is greener on the other side. Yeah, we just need to water our own grass. The grass is not greener, that's right. It's not greener on the other side, okay.

Speaker 1: 38:02

So we mentioned earlier in the episode that we had asked our husband some things that they noticed that we had done, that were intentional in our marriage. So we're both going to share what our husband said. Now this is a text my husband sent me from the sky when he was on an airplane, and so I'm going to read you what he said. Number one are you consistently are sensitive to my needs? Oh, that's so sweet, that's. I really hope so. So I'm glad you mentioned that, okay. Number two, you consistently communicate with me to ensure we are harmonious. So he's using big words, he has he's oh, I love that man that was from a 30 000 fan, I love that. And number three, you are intentional in ensuring we spend less time consistently.

Speaker 1: 38:50

So all of these things, y'all intentionality, does not go unnoticed by our spouses. And so these were things I just asked him. I told him we were doing a marriage series for intentional living, and so I asked him this. And this was just from him. I didn't share everything we were going to talk about no, me either. So I forgot to ask him as well. So I just texted him and I said what are three things that I do intentional in our marriage? Keep it clean. You know PG on here. And so he said I'm comforter, oh, and I'm an encourager. And physical touch I take care of his physical touch. We are glad that you do. Those are some things we'll go into on our marriage series.

Speaker 1: 39:39

Yes, but just to know, and and I'll tell you this is not a secret. He loves to have his feet rubbed and so that's why I will not allow him to get a recliner we talked about, because that is part of it. We'll watch a movie he can watch, or I can watch what I want to watch, and that's just how it works. Yeah, right, and so he'll give me his feet, I'll rub his feet and then we're all happy. Yeah, you know, I mean our, your, your husband will will see the areas that you're intentional in. So we wanted our husbands to just give us I mean, these were unprovoked, we didn't know what they were going to say. So, just so, if that gives you some some insight, a little feedback, it is. It is because I didn't know what he was going to say and I will say those three things I have been intentional in being and the comforter. I had to kind of dig a little bit deeper and it's really just when we're going through the hard things, it's just being there for him and supporting him and that encouragement, you know, that comes with it. So I would say I am glad, I'm proud of these answers and I'm happy that he gave me those answers. So, yeah, just a little fun tidbit about us. I think we're.

Speaker 1: 40:55

We're wrapping up the episode. I hope that you ladies were encouraged and again, share. If this has inspired you in any way, send us an email. We'll put that on the show notes as well. That's right, but what are we talking about next time, allison? So our next episode? We're still in the intentional living series. We're going to talk about what is intentional living in our families look like. So join us on the next episode as we talk about intentional living in our families. Y'all, thank you for joining us today. Thank you, we'll see y'all next week, see ya. Thank you for joining us for this episode of the Joy Podcast. Our passion is to help you find your purpose and joy in the hard things of life. Join our conversation by liking, following and subscribing so you don't miss the next episode. We are grateful for you and would love your feedback. Please leave us a five-star review wherever you listen to this podcast.